The definition of Gaslighting is: ‘to psychologically manipulate someone into doubting their own sanity or self’. This is a form of abuse-no matter how unintentional. Gaslighting is an awful thing to endure and changes everything you thought you understood about yourself.
Examples of unintentional harmful gaslighting:
“You need to make eye contact. It’s not difficult. You’re so rude just look at me when I’m talking to you”
“The lights flickering? It’s too loud? No it’s not. How can you hear electricity? So ridiculous! Just stop flapping there’s nothing wrong with you. The light is hardly even flickering. No one else is throwing a tantrum over something so pointless.”
“Stop swinging your arms! It’s embarrassing and unneccesary. Why do you that?! I would never behave like that in public, it’s so wrong-You’re so weird and a bit of an attention seeker sometimes. Just stop it now, there’s no reason to behave like that.”
“It’s all in your head. Just get over it. The bus is late? So what? Why are you making such a big deal out of it? Honestly, you need to get your head Checked out!”
“Why didn’t you do what I asked you to do? I asked you this last week and you still haven’t done it. It’s not very nice and it’s rude to treat me like this. How do you forget and run out of energy? No one else ‘loses energy from making a phone call’ preventing them from doing jobs. Stop making excuses and stop being so lazy and just get on with it.”
All of these examples stem from lack of understanding and makes the problem to be the individual who has autism. These examples make the individual who has autism doubt themselves while questioning their lived experience and why they need to do things in certain ways-it’s a very negative harmful vicious circle. It slowly decreases any self value or confidence in themselves or abilities-thus disabling further.
Gaslighting can lead to depression, lack of self understanding or confidence, and awful feelings of isolation and simmering self hatred- like thousands of others who live with autism, autistic children have been unintentionally gaslighted for most of their lives, by people, who simply don’t understand them, or the ways their autism and the outside world effects them. Due to lack of understanding, people can’t always perceive how something so unchallenging and normal to them can be so hard and complicated to others (and supposedly they, who have autism have poor theory of mind!).
Be Kind!